To begin, I’ve decided to start at “The End.” No, not the fairy tale type of ending where everyone lived happily ever after, this was the ending where I stopped having a relationship with a man who had been in a longterm relationship with his partner for over 10 years.

We met on Grindr, it was the winter of 2013, I was drunk, he was really drunk, and we met in the middle of the night. As one would have imagined in that type  of situation, I had no expectation other than to have some fun. There was no indication that after that initial encounter, we would have continued seeing each other for four and a half years.

Communication would stagger and there would be times where we wouldn’t speak for two to three months…at the beginning. However, after the first year, we became Facebook friends and communication began to occur rather frequently. There was another time where communication stopped because I had been dating someone, but again, that was only for three months.

As a teenager, I was introduced to “Sex and the City” by my straight best friend. As a child, I was introduced to love through Disney films and had it ingrained into my brain that love would always equate to a prince coming to rescue this princess and ride off into the sunset we would go. Instead, at the age of 27, I drunkenly stumbled into someone where our first encounter began naked on my bathroom floor and led to heartbreak, random evenings and excursions, in addition to a few trips to my doctor and a STD clinic for treatments.

The question at hand was always: Why continue this if you know that nothing will ever come of it? The answer was simple…it was fun and I enjoyed the secrecy and spontaneity of it all. The obvious lesson learned was that you can’t have your cake and eat it to.



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